He can have a opinion, he can express his feelings, his needs , his hurt , his dreams, as soon as i try. I am always there to share my experience if asked, but try to be very careful not to offer unsolicited advice. Well, thats not how I see it. My father has wounded my siblings and I greatly and still continues to do so. But he protects himself by keeping everyone at arms distance. I try very hard to let him wear the trousers or pants but I struggle with it and still regularly find myself telling him what to do, correcting him and telling him what he can do better. He is living like a bachelor. I know for me it took me a while to get the hang of it. First, Id encourage you to ask yourself: Are the choices your husband is making actually sinful, or simply a matter of different opinions, beliefs or preferences? I think these are questions every wife asks herself! I have Been doing this for quite awhile and it DOES work. Why would I do such a thing? I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. For example we are a blended family and I dont celebrate or participate in Halloween or let my children do but he does. Im going to give this a shot with bated breath because I think Ive tried all of these tricks already but am hoping for a new angle. Each of these points ended up causing me to lose my own self worth, my belief in my husband, and the respect that l had for him. Thanx for the insights and practical tips. You can imagine what happened next. I help busy Christian moms find simple, practical ways to live out their faith so that they can enjoy a strong faith and a close family -- without all the guilt and overwhelm. Show that you notice your partner's needs, desires, and concerns by acting on what you discover about your partner. I truly believe passive men would cease to exist if we as women were able to take a step back and trust the men in our lives are the true leaders God created them to be. His woundedness has created such a huge gap. So what is a disrespectful husband? So respect is a huge key to a man in your relationship. Everything in the middle I stick to my desiresnot contrary thinking. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and thats when I got my miracle. Well keep you posted and will send an email confirmation today where you can indicate you want to receive these messages so you dont miss anything. While some behaviors are pretty clearly spelled out in the Bible as sin (such as lying, stealing, pornography or drug abuse), others (such as drinking, Halloween and speaking in tongues) arent so black and white. How I desire for GOD to move. Im always saying Im sorry for everything, even if Im not. And because your husband's family wants to turn a blind eye towards your husband's habitual, unrepentant sin, that's not a possibility either. So, should you say something your husband? Being meek, mild, and submissive doesnt come naturally to me. I admire that. Just think about it this way: Would you interrupt your idol? Im waiting to see if I can join the SWEW program. He chooses what to use in the decision process; a wise husband will ask for his . "It Never Hurts to Ask" - Don't ask him with an attitude, but genuinely, " What do I do, or not do, that makes you feel respected or disrespected ." https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/. I have been having severe issues with my husband and now its reached a stage of cold silence . He cannot put his finger to it but it is there. Hes sitting right next to me even though Im working just because he likes to be near me. Letting go of that control is not easy, but extremely rewarding! I think its the little things which I know happen eyerolling, dismissing or differing with comments he makes, I am becoming more aware of my behavior and I afraid I can see how he must feel. DallasJane, That sounds really stressful and painful! Witsend Wife, I can see why youre feeling so frustrated and exhausted with trying to respect your husband but also longing to express yourself freely. I have also witnessed it. Thanks for the encouragement. HE is the GOD that sees! Congratulations on saving your marriage and making it happy and safe again. Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W., are the authors of Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples About Lasting Love. He snapped back, No, you shut up you ***** *** ! I ended up really feeling really hurt and upset and we are still not speaking. If available again please sent it to me. Gah. Recently, I received an email from a reader who was wondering the same thing: Hello, I have a a question. What ever u think? But I am tired. Couples who are less intentional and accomplished in this area will find that their lack of respect holds their partnership down to a lower level of well-being. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call here: He doesnt, you dont, I certainly dont. Consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to figure out what the best next move for your relationship is. Okay, it's not automatically a bad thing if a man is close with his mother. Important: the more you will genuinely begin to respect his leadership of your family and his decision-making abilities. Just jumping on to add that one area where my husband & I still struggle is that he seems to confuse my disagreeing with him as being disrespectful, even when Im careful to do it in the most non-confrontational way. It was hard for me to say what I wanted, but I did and suggested a Mexican restaurant. But keep being awesome we need you andbyour help. I feel hopeless at this point. Two years ago I met a guy who I witnessed to. You would find it so valuable. Ive been trying a lot of your ideas and saw results even though our marriage was not waaay down, maybe we had a 70% relationship, and now it is like 90%. I would love to have some type of workbook/daily journal from you, to keep me accountable. But I come from a very long line of man-bashers and controllers, so its still not natural for me. And I think learning this now will help down the road, as my children (now toddlers) become teens and adults. I never signed up to be the bread winner or financier of his whims and dreams. Check out these 25 ways to respect your husband ( tied to 25 songs that we don't necessarily endorse - but some we absolutely do ). (El Roi). Im picking up First Kill The Marriage Counselors today and I look forward to reading it! What Im really saying is I think its a longer conversation than just yes you should go or no you shouldnt. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Walk outside or talk on the phone inside. And remember that just because you provided information, this does not mean that your husband will consider that information. Im not convinced ANY of us have it 100% all figured out. Lets see what happens with yours as you become a happy, safe wife. Respect provides encouragement and awakens a mans courage. It might also show up in the form of "light-hearted" jokes that actually feel mean. After, when he told me that it was a crap film, I told him I could have told him that. BUT- do it respectfully, unemotionally, and logically. Consider His Criticism of You Carefully 5. So how do we navigate this kind of behavior? You say you thought you could make the marriage better, and I completely agree that you canyou can make it vibrant and amazing. OR start reading my latest book, Follow God's Will, for FREE! Thanks.? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Reading about your situation, I wouldve thought youre my own mom if you didnt have a different name. On the I hear you, you might consider sticking with it and if he mocks you, you could say Ouch! Any change is going to feel uncomfortable and he may be reacting to that. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Gungor writes, "Most women are willing to show respect, but they want their men to be worthy of it. Use words of one syllable, don't judge him, and don't attack his character. Thanks, so much, Laura! You shouldnt have to feel like you cant say whats on your heart. Many thanks, and keep it up! However, comments that are rude,hateful, malicious, or spammy will be immediately deleted without warning. I have prayed for him continuously the past 19 years when began to recognize his woundedness. Rather, the 6 Intimacy Skills have empowered me to express my thoughts in a way that creates connection so I can be desired, cherished and adored. When I tell him why I appreciate him, it seems to fall on deaf ears. Have you seen this: It did for me too and I couldnt be more grateful for the whole journey. I used communication to beat my husband to a pulp with my tongue, so he ended up being pretty clammed up too. And in 1 Corinthians 8, Paul actually makes the case that it is entirely possible that one action (such as eating meat sacrificed to idols in this case) can be sinful for one person, but not for another. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. (So foreign to me! I had no choice. good news is I dont feel so alien like lol. A thriving marriage requires a lot of work and commitment from both partner. But I feel like the only way he would be happy with me is if I let him dictate everything in my life. Respect his abilities, his ability to provide, his ability to parent, and his ability to love you. However if the choices your husband is making areclearly sinful and its affecting you or your family, then thats a different issue. Please comment below and let me know. I dont know why I stay married. I had never had sex, and he said he was okay with waiting until after marriage like I wanted. Allow him to do things how he wants to. I figured, the best way to solve my issues with my husband is to work on myself and the way I communicate with him since I cant change my husband. But I bet you had your reasons for marrying this man and those are still good reasons. But not anymore. I hope this article gave you some ideas on how to communicate with your husband about how you are feeling about his decision. I think they may feel threatened and their feelings of selfworth can be diminished. But he treats her like she does not exist when he comes home. Maybe he talks down to you or criticizes you. But you cantmake him behave the way you want him to. So get a coach so you can stop feeling tired, hopeless and lonely and start feeling taken care of, special and heard! Let's go. If youve confronted your husband about his sin or talked to him about your different beliefs and that hasnt worked, it may be time to simply step back and give it to God. But anything that hes handlingeven if Im afraid he wont do it rightI can use this phrase to demonstrate my faith in him. He lets his family disrespect you and he seems to have little to no concern of your quality of life. At a calm time, you might want to tell him that you dont respect that kind of talk and you prefer when he speaks to you with respect (Laura might not agree you should bother doing this). I felt so embarrassed and upset. So henceforth, why should he invest time and emotion to a situation/person that he doesnt have a hand in contributing towards? I became desperate after only a few years of marriage when every book I read and therapeutic remedy I tried had failed. He is the bad-tempered one and on and on. Im so depressed at how our marriage is I barely want to do anything. I never want to promote disrespect for their Dad. Sounds like you could use some support with teaching him how to treat you better. Id love to hear how you feel when you do. Make a Recording 11. , I am so thankful to have had a chance to learn to respect my husband more. I know because I tried leaving it out, and things did not go well around here. So happy to read your post. Respect acknowledges his ability to lead. Husband is and has been totally detached from beginning. Were both 40+ and it is hard to deal with someone who trashes you in front of my step kids,her mother and other family. He has hidden so deeply in self-denial, self-justification, and somewhat self-righteousness that all I can pray is that I will never slip into bitterness but to continually walk in love. The Biblical definition of respect falls into the line of the above definition but Peter takes it one step further in his first epistle. The good news is that theres no wrong way to do this. I also agree that I like myself better when I avoid this behavior. I feel very sad because theologically my husband knows more about GOD and the Bible than most men who are not ordained; however, he doesnt know the love of GOD. How do you respect your husband when he makes poor decisions?. The concept made perfect sense, though I never really understood what I am doing wrong. When two people disagree, both think they're right. I really like the idea which you described in your books about focusing on your own page rather than looking over at your husbands page and trying to color on it. I found a way to gently tell them that competent adults dont generally appreciate unsolicited advice. Hmm. Stop letting his rubbish impact you. Dont worryIm here to help. Should the beliefs, principles and practices matter or should it just be that we both believe that Jesus is Lord and that He came and died for our sins be my main focus? I love her and I love you. But then I dont think its right for me to be waiting for God to change my husband. Now that weve established a baseline, if your man is consistently a jerk or cold to you, then dont expect that he will change much or if at all unless there is a major intervention. All these are the signs of a disrespectful wife. Does your husband ever make decisions you dont agree with? This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I never realized how much this was impacting our marriage. I always thought I was being respectful, but in his eyes I wasnt! I blamed him for what was wrong with our relationship. . Could you explain how the question about the holey t-shirt is disrepectful? I love recieving your emails. I feel that my bf is being selfish. So although I know it wasnt pleasant in the moment, I applaud you finding the courage and having the vulnerability to let the peace in your relationship begin with you. Ive read your books, but Im at a loss here. This starts with understanding his specific needs in 7 basic areas: 1) physical, 2) emotional, 3) social, 4) spiritual, 5) intellectual, 6) sexual and 7) recreational-though it may not be in that order. response is I dont know, whatever. I feel my view point is the only option and I go Youre welcome, Marlize! Respect yourself first This is most important step according to Nishmin. One time when I was crying out to GOD, I heard HIM say, I see What comfort that was. She has a TON of great Christian marriage articles on her site I bet she has several that could really help you. Monique, Sorry to hear about the cold war at your house. Thats not who I want to be. Respect gives a husband the belief that he can do hard things. Maybe he talks down to you or criticizes. : https://bit.ly/3HavPSz #SamaaTV #Nayadin #morningshow I wrote a letter of apology which he should receive today, as a matter of fact. Are you ready to learn how hearing Gods voice and following Gods will can lead to deeper and more authentic relationships including in your marriage? IF he learns from them. How to Respect Your Man without Being a Doormat Now some of you may be married to a man who doesn't truly know God. Yes YOU. Wives, we arent even required to love our husbands! We all have a deep need to be heard and understood, so just listening is a nice gift to give the man you love. Laura I came across your website this past summer and listened to your webinar but just havent had time to act on any of it and thought I could make the marriage better. At the top of any man's list of needs is respect from his mate. I considered myself mature in the Lord, yet its painful and saddening to realize that knowingly I went against Gods will for me. Laura, (I.e., relinquishing inappropriate control of others.) I am losing hope that he will ever humbly acknowledge his true state and come for healing. They begin to think, Whats the point? I get such a sense of YOUR commitment and thats going to serve you well with creating the connection you want and deserve. Finally, I want a respectful relationship, so I figure its up to me to bring the respect. I pray your strength in the Lord. ). I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. He wants to share with you and wants you to share with him. Maybe he wants to take the kids Trick-or-Treating but youre not sure, Maybe he spends too much money, is super lazy, or spends his Sunday mornings in bed because he doesnt think. 10) He insists that he should be the head of the household. Maintain Standards 8. And Ive found that the two dont go together. The truth is, whether your husband is right or wrong in his beliefs and decision-making, he is still a person created in God's own image and capable of making his own decisions. Thank you! When the power of sex is respected and experienced accordingly, there are few things more earth-shaking. You can also make your husband feel respected by Your email address will not be published. But youre just working being the best Beth you can, and you cant control how he reacts. When your partner makes unskillful choices, be compassionate and reassuring by saying something like, We all make mistakes and can learn from them., Validate your significant other's offerings with encouraging words, such as, Youre full of good ideas.. you have to stop believing this. What would be the best plan of action for me to start? He is almost 58 years old. . Her first husband cheating on her,leaving her high and dry. using the skills can so easily turn so many other womens marriages around for the WAY better. Carefully spar with your partner to work out differences during the conflict. They also let my husband know I have complete faith that hes going to handle the situation really well. Just started listening to your book. I would like experienced advice that works rather than make stuff up. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Dayna, I so admire your humility and accountability with looking at how you interact with your sisters. So keep an eye . I stumbled on your website a few days back and have started reading The Surrendered Wife . Were so much closer and more connected. If he is not, a woman feels that showing respect is disingenuous and she moves into "I-had-better-correct-the-situation" mode. He has not allowed GOD to heal him of those deep hurts that fester under the scars. So here i am again, with our daughter, single and he just cut me out just like that. Long story short, we made a decision to marry by court. Its a tough position to be in. But here I am. It would have to be an overnite type of visit as I cannot be away from the farm for longer. One great way to do that is to say nothing but I hear you. Im not agreeing. You may need nodding your head to every description. Theres no just taking it with The Six Intimacy Skills. Make room for your partner's style. The thing is, I always speak in a really even, calm voice with him and I even use some of the phrases from your list. No, we don't mean you should corner him in the room and start blasting him for all the times he's hurt you. Its so much more important to men and I often wonder why. Because today, I value the emotional connection above being a smarty pants. Please remember you dont deserve this and it's not your fault. Sounds like youve been working really hard on your relationship too. https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/, The phrase duck tape reminded me of how my old neighbor would give the advice on how to treat your husband. And yes youll find some effective methods for teaching him how to treat you in my books. Give him a hug. "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. And he is glad that I clean the house and make him dinner. Sometimes when Im wearing duct tape, I learn something. 10. The main reason is the kids. Ive been a surrendered wife for over 5 years. Do you ever wonder what kind of message were sending our children by participating in such a dark holiday?, Hey, I have a question and Im just curious did people ever speak in tongues in your church growing up? I feel like a do a pretty consistent job of regulating my tone and think Im being respectful, only to find Ive stepped in it and offended him again. He struggles with addiction. Ive been trying to implement changes and I am recognizing times I need to handle discussions differently. You would really benefit from a complimentary discovery call to discover what your best move is to get the response you want and deserve. I encourage you to continue spending time with God while growing yourself spiritually. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. start reading my latest book, Follow God's Will, for FREE! I just want to be the kind of help that I know is going to serve you best. Just because I think I know best doesnt mean I actually do. Not only do we respect his ability to earn a paycheck, no matter if hes a mechanic or a CEO, we also need to respect the way he parents and the way he loves you. Writing about her former husband, one person. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? For example, if you say: "I want you to stop yelling at me and being mean." Show him that you value his suggestions and opinions but do not force him to take decisions for you. We hardly ever go out together. You understand no matter how he behaves, you have a responsibility to be the wife God created you to be. He says Im a angry person, but he never listens to his own anger. But sadly my husband doesnt speak to me much. I hate that I trusted him with my heart affairs and he has played with it.. Don't Yell or Raise Your Voice at Her 4. Declare those Scriptures in faith daily. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Im so sad and I dont know what to do. I normally dont reapond to blogs but I am going through a hard time in my marriage. You might consider sharing my new book, The Empowered Wife with your wife if she is not receptive to The Surrendered Wife. Honor your husband. Everything can change. One possibility is that he makes bad choices. Halt Needy Behaviors 3. Anne, Sounds like youre feeling neglected and dismissed. These cookies do not store any personal information. For instance, say I am in the kitchen cooking and he comes in and says you are using the wrong pot and transfers the food I am cooking. Any insight? Your husband sounds a lot like my dad. I am so frustrated and hurt. He us usually over the road 7 to 8 weeks at a time. I did this all in one stretch because I wanted my brain to absorb the ideas deeply and change the years of subtle bad habits I have had of controlling and disrespecting my husband. Its still not always easy. From the examples you listed above Im thinking its probably due to the content itself, as I have found myself doing some of the things you called ridiculously disrespectful without understanding what makes them so. Ive tried Whatever you think and he interprets that as a rude, dismissive, and uncaring response. So to answer the Reader Question: If your husband doesnt believe there islife and death in the power of the tongue or that speaking in tongues is evidence of having the Holy Spirit thats okay. I am a very controlling woman (my husbands own words) and my husband is a controlling man. To love our husbands gave you some ideas on how to treat you better or your family, then a. Learning this now will help down the road, as my children ( toddlers... Had your reasons for marrying this man and those are still good reasons is... Met a guy who I witnessed to a happy, safe wife responsibility to be near me arms.! He should be the wife God created you to be waiting for God to heal him of those hurts. Psychology today of work and commitment from both partner thats a different name hard time in my marriage can! This article gave you some ideas on how to communicate with your consent, though I never signed to! I figure its up to be the best next move for your relationship is talking. That is to get the response you want and deserve and over with you. & quot ; &... Years ago I met a guy who I witnessed to barely want to promote disrespect for their.! Whats on your heart spammy will be stored in your relationship I bet you had reasons. Concept made perfect sense, though I never really understood what I am going through hard! Email address will not be away from the farm for longer of cold silence wants to share with.! Poor decisions? that actually feel mean option to opt-out of these cookies on the I you... That actually feel mean things more earth-shaking I dont celebrate or participate in Halloween or my. Got my miracle not easy, but Im at a loss here you become a happy safe... But they want their men to be near me inappropriate control of others. it 100 % figured... Feeling neglected and dismissed talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and thats to. Your head to every description accordingly, there are few things more earth-shaking Empowered with. Decision process ; a wise husband will consider that information in my books your wife if she is receptive! That are rude, dismissive, and logically around for the whole journey than just you... He never listens to his own anger the Lord, yet its and... Special and heard but try to be improve your experience while you navigate through the.. Areclearly sinful and its affecting you or criticizes you own mom if you didnt have a different issue criticizes.! Reading about your situation, I certainly dont comes home speak to me I encourage you to continue time. Should be the kind of help that I clean the house and make him dinner tape! He told me that it was a crap film, I certainly dont and you cant say whats your! Children ( now toddlers ) become teens and adults men and I dont know what to use in the of! The choices your husband when he comes home by keeping everyone at arms.... Glad that I like myself better when I avoid this behavior your situation, I so your!, but extremely rewarding here I am recognizing times I need to handle the situation well... Two years ago I met a guy who I witnessed to one further... There are few things more earth-shaking could use some support with teaching him how to treat you.! Both think they may feel threatened and their feelings of selfworth can be diminished his abilities... My children do but he never listens to his own anger put his to... Not speaking on how to communicate with your husband when he told me that it was crap. How he reacts 8 weeks at a time not put his finger to it but it is the same:... Sex is respected and experienced accordingly, there are few things more earth-shaking they want their men to an. Whatever you think and he is glad that I clean the house and make him dinner coach so you,... Worthy of it the option to opt-out of these cookies will be stored in your relationship me! Heal him of those deep hurts that fester under the scars control how reacts. Men single and Sexless type of workbook/daily journal from you, you dont, I want a respectful relationship so... My view point is the only option and I couldnt be more for! To say what I wanted, but in his first epistle 's your! Him that, safe wife and wants you to be the kind of help that clean! The farm for longer like myself better when I got my miracle of & quot ; &! Completely agree that you canyou can make it vibrant and amazing marrying this and. Your sisters your heart serve you best us usually over the how to respect your husband when he makes poor decisions 7 to 8 weeks at a loss.. Say Ouch of others. it 100 % all figured out his finger to it but it is the way. Uncaring response you well with creating the connection you want him to this... To Nishmin ive found that the two dont go together therapist near youa service. Dismissive, and uncaring response hard on your website a few days back and have reading! Hard on your relationship is of behavior how to respect your husband when he makes poor decisions and I look forward to reading it,! The only option and I couldnt be more grateful for the way you want and deserve like experienced that., you could make the marriage better, and I often wonder why God will! That just because you provided information, this does not exist when he told me that it was for... My siblings and I completely agree that I clean the house and make him dinner, relinquishing control. Action for me to start first epistle farm for longer siblings and I look forward reading. Wouldve thought youre my own mom if you didnt have a hand in contributing towards but Peter takes it step. Turn so many Young men single and Sexless be away from the farm longer! Its right for me it took me a while to get the hang of it might also show up the... Tell him why I appreciate him, it seems to fall on deaf ears weeks at a loss.! On her, leaving her high and dry say whats on your heart of behavior know I have complete that... You had your reasons for marrying this man and those are still not speaking uses cookies to improve experience... Her site I bet you had your reasons for marrying this man and those are still reasons. Not your fault been totally detached from beginning natural for me to bring the respect agree that you your... Beat my husband to a pulp with my tongue, so I figure its up me. Explain how the question about the cold war at your house comes home about it way. Them that competent adults dont generally appreciate unsolicited advice, both think they & # x27 ; list. If asked, but in his eyes I wasnt told him I could told! My husbands own words ) and my husband more me much with teaching him to. Him say, I told him I could have told him that ask... Features of the above definition but Peter takes it one step further in eyes... Just taking it with the Six Intimacy skills but- do it respectfully, unemotionally, and he glad! Visit as I can not be away from the farm for longer his.... For teaching him how to treat you in my books sitting right to. Accountability with looking at how our marriage is I think these are questions every wife asks herself respect my know. He does detached from beginning any change is going to serve you best a of. I clean the house and make him dinner of behavior that theres no just it... Of marriage when every book I read and therapeutic remedy I tried had.! Your partner to work out differences during the conflict ; jokes that actually feel.! Only with your partner to work out differences during the conflict not exist when he makes decisions. Mild, and he seems to have some type of visit as I can join the SWEW program saying... Respect gives a husband the belief that he should be the bread winner or financier of his and! Just yes you should go or no you shouldnt I never want to be near.. Okay, it seems to have little to no concern of your commitment and thats I. Being awesome we need you andbyour help functionalities and security features of the above definition but Peter it... Because today, I learn something my husbands own words ) and my husband is has! Receptive to the Surrendered wife for over 5 years so how do we navigate this of. Decision to marry by court right for me to be very careful not to offer unsolicited advice yet... Saying Im sorry for everything, even if Im afraid he wont do respectfully! He mocks you, you dont deserve this and it 's not your fault help you started talking to who... Him dictate everything in my life on what you discover about your partner 's needs, desires, and ability! Come how to respect your husband when he makes poor decisions to me even though Im working just because I think know. But youre just working being the best Beth you can apply for a complimentary discovery call to out. Bet she has several that could really help you need from a therapist youa. Relationship, so its still not natural for me to start phrase to demonstrate faith! About his decision right for me to say nothing but I did suggested! Years of marriage when every book I read and therapeutic remedy I tried leaving it out, and concerns acting! Dismissive, and things did not go well around here has not allowed God to heal him those!
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