It appears you entered an invalid email. I pretend I am single and take care of me and my home for me. Thats it. I am choosing my battles now and choose to disconnect my emotions from my reality and continue to progress, better myself and finally live. Pleasure. And, of course, there is their sense that others (including you) are out to get them. I think that it's true. Whenever I am sick, all I get from my husband is sorry. So, does he want me around because he's afraid he's dying? But I believe I am blessed with many friends. (Dirt, dust, cob webs, grease, filth, trash, broken stuff, computer junk, all over) Then there is the paperwork all over the place and our finances to get through. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. Don't worry your anxiety to high and relax. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while she's going through the flu or whatever. You also don't have a role model to teach or even show you HOW to connect. We havent heard from you in a while, and Im hoping you are ok. I am sorry for your situation. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. I know the empathy is in there, but it's overridden by the rest of their experience and the onslaught of perception they constantly have to sort through. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. I am still me; I am unchanged to you. Thats This detachment causes children to grow up detached from making intimate friendships and relationships as an adult, to closely love others. Not flu/COVID/serious illness. The saying goes, "Don't be mad when I pull a you, on you." Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. My Mother in law said to my husband :" You should help her, she is going to fall". Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners. I wanted to hope that with me gone, and only him in the house, he would get to live the way he "wanted". He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. I, too, have moved onto taking care of myself and am putting my energy into friendships and relationships that are mutually rewarding. When someone is sick or injured.I'm first respondentjust so you know? a pleasure". I was sick this past weekend into Monday with Bronchitis and my husband, who doesn't work during the week, left me alone on Monday when I called off from work. I hope you left him. If theres one thing you must understand, its this: You and your spouse probably can withstand more than you would expect. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. He said it was too clinical and she was cold. I will not call for a man when I am sick. If dinner isn't made, I warm up a bowl of soup for ME and eat on my patio and enjoy the calm I have as opposed to the misery I can have when he is around with his moodiness and negativity. I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. WebA female reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 November 2011): It doesn't mean that he doesn't care. A few years back I got really sick with many physical and neurological symptoms and was diagnosed with Late stage Lyme disease and many co infections. Once the commitmenttothe work of a relationshipbecomes unappealing they revert back to old habits. I used to do the same thing. All part of marriage, I guess. He told I just had the flu and went to bed. My husband doesn't think anyone in the world gets sick but him (which I think is common in men). I have an illness. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. OMG. I agree with Melissa's comment that it is good to be independent and emotionally detached, but that can become hollow. He love bombed me too. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. My ex didn't have ADHD. Just comes to the door and looks at me like a piece of meat and then walks away and leaves after all of that? You dont care about my illness. I want to leave him but my family is against it. I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. Maybe a spouse is a lousy caregiver, or just as sick if not sicker; maybe you never noticed till now that certain local family members are better at receiving than giving. Some of the scorn heaped upon ADHDers by their non-ADHD partners must CERTAINLY be readable in their partner's body languageeven if their partner is trying to be nice. I have loved you for a long time, and we have been through so much together, but what Ive recently learned is this: You could care less about my illness. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. He said he can never be good enough and then turned the tv on and left me alone, the whole night sobbing. At least in my case, I can be loving, civil and kind now but I also am trying NOT to be needy or co-dependant if he stays at his friends house til 1:40 AM like he did last night, or if he just spends the day watching tv or if he throws a tantrum while driving or if he starts incessantly talking about government conspiracies and how money isn't worth anything, etc. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Don't misunderstand me - I get it. When he had resistant sinus infections that were painful I let him sleep and rest, I forced him to take his antibiotics that were still in the cupboard when they came back and he seemed to be dying on the couch, I forced him to go back to the ENT and demanded he book surgery to get his nose cleaned out, as he had resistant sinus infections that were really dangerous- Klebsiella and Serratia marceneses. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. If you DON'T have any kids yourselfplease run extra far. My wife was raised wrapped in bubble wrap and her mom would freak out at even the remote possibility of injury or illness. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. I've told our kids that THEY will be in charge of me if I ever get cancer or something like that. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. Otherwise she knows that I will go down and get whatever I want. I think the non spouse has to be less of a giver and move to the attitude of-I'm in this life for myself just like you demonstratedaily that are in it for yourself. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. He made me pay that year for leaving. Of course. I was a great person, still am as are you. Even children recognize when other kids don't "like them", and don't want to play with them, causing hurt feelings and feelings of inadequacy. Submitted by peach on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07. Out of character. I do not think I will see a lasting change because myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for himself. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. That's not even in my nature.". I mis calculated the drop, my crutches went out from under me, and I fell, landing flat on my back on thecement patio, hard. Along with my wonderful family, amazing besties, and our mutual friends who understand what I am going through, I have been validated, helped, encouraged and am where I am today. No, not really. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! (regardless of what his mother did to him when he was small) Somewhere insidehimself, he knew he was holding back, and still did it, to his own detriment and the detriment of our marriage and love. He/she is merciless. It makes your partner retreat - the opposite of wanting to connect. The world should recognize his presence and he should be treated with utmost respect while giving none in returnto ANYONE! I always wished I had the guts to leave him but the codependencykept me there. Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. WebNow I'm going to get sick! 1) Shes never on your side. Yes it was my plan all along to get sick in order to make you sick and miserable! The house is in shambles, and is a complete mess everywhere you look.It looks like I stepped into a scene from "Hoarders", the television show. My In-laws and husband were there, along with our daughter. (Different situation for the writer of this post.) That is my H 100%! Right now I'm back at the house trying to get some stuff in order. And of course, my fave from Walter Mitty movie "Beautiful things don't ask for attention. Lately he finds more reasons than not to leave the house to help someone else anybody else. This is a great take. That's my two bits and I'm sticking too it. He had the flu last year and I took care of him. I invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that would be nice. If one or both of you dont have time to talk about things, you can schedule a time that works better. Now he is fine with it, he got used to it and I feel its because I did not cave in to the codependency. To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. Make him whatever type of soup he wants, bring him medicine, rub his head etc. I sleep sound and I do miss a warm body but I won't sacrifice my sanity for it especially when he turns his back on me and I feel alone even when he is there. I grew up in a house where you were basically quarantined when sick. The day came, I left and when he realized it after he got home, he text me and said "now I will really be all alone" and the teenager said he was crying and angry. I didn't nag on him, or hate him, or unkind. My husband thinks it's hilarious to ask when I'll be sexually available again but balks when I ask him for some ice to settle my stomach. Good enough and then turned the tv on and left me alone, the whole night sobbing you a! They 'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it 's nasty fave... In men ) writer of this post. cancer or something like that there, along with our.... Or even show you HOW to connect finds more reasons than not to leave but. 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